The Emmerdale '80s Bus - Part 1

This is a bus with a difference. It travels through time. The Emmerdale '80s bus will drop us at various stops to glimpse life during that decade at the farm and in the village. We begin at December 1984...

Jack is having an affair with Karen Moore, a young auctioneer at Hotten Market. The relationship began when Karen sympathised with him after Emmerdale Farm Ltd decided that his purchase of some pedigree cows had been wrong back in the summer. Even Pat had sided with the others, and Jack had felt suddenly confined by his life at the farm. Ever the free spirit, Jack had kicked back hard, and Karen's sympathy had seemed very attractive. Jack had begun seeing her. By December, he was living with the fact that he was in love with two women.

Matt Skilbeck knew what was happening. He was worried as Christmas was looming and it was to be the first without Grandad Sam Pearson, who had died shortly before. Joe, who was working in France, would be coming back to England for the festivities, but this would be a difficult Christmas for all of them - especially Annie.

 

Being Jack, the author, the thinker, the simple approach of deciding between his wife and Karen was not a path he could easily take. He loved Karen. He loved Pat. He didn't want to hurt either. And yet he was hurting both. Pat had been his youthful lover, the mother of his son. She now represented family and security; Karen was young and free - she represented the unfettered life Jack also wanted to live.

Pat knew what was going on and was devastated. She reflected on what a difference a bit of tinsel made to the parlour at Emmerdale, and, slightly bitter, commented that she had kept a piece for herself. She had relocated to the boxroom as far as sleeping arrangements were concerned.

Over at Home Farm, Alan Turner showed off his policeman's costume for the Beckindale Amateur Players forthcoming production of The Pirates of Penzance. He'd asked Mrs Bates to get some Christmas shopping for him, including a gift for Jill, his wife. Mrs Bates had chosen a pretty nightie for her. She was unaware that Jill and Alan were estranged, but got a glimpse of the sad state of Alan's personal life when he awkwardly confessed that he didn't give his wife such "intimate" presents.

Later, Alan surprised Mrs Bates by presenting the nightie to her as a present. He was sad and awkward; spoke more about the state of his marriage, and said that he wanted to thank Mrs Bates for her nine months of help at NY. Mrs Bates protested, the gift was too expensive, but Alan insisted and quietly retreated, leaving Mrs Bates feeling as sad and as awkward as him.

Young Sam Skilbeck was celebrating his second birthday, and his parents took him out to feed the geese at the farm. Dolly reflected sadly on the harsh realities of farming life - the fate of the geese now Christmas was upon them, and said she thought it would upset Sam if he knew. Matt pointed out that it also upset her - every year the same!

Annie had preparations for Christmas well in hand in the kitchen at Emmerdale Farm, with Sandie as her assistant. Sandie asked if they could make up a parcel for her father, Tom, who was in prison. Annie happily agreed - pies, sausage rolls, etc.

Annie was delighted when Joe phoned. He would soon be with them. She passed on Matt's jovial comment that he owed them eighteen months' worth of milking!

In the parlour, Annie commented to Pat that there had always been laughter in the house when Joe was there. Pat, aware that she hadn't been very jolly recently, apologised for any signs of misery, but Annie hurried to reassure her: she hadn't been getting at anybody.

Over at the Woolpack, Amos Brearly had been treating the villagers to some truly terrible sounds as he practised for his role in The Pirates of Penzance. There was no Mr Wilks on hand to try and keep Mr B under control. Henry was in Italy, attending his daughter Marian's wedding.

Amos commented that the audience at the rehearsal for Pirates had all been very moved by his singing. Mike Conrad retorted that the audience had certainly MOVED when Amos began singing. Amos rejected that - humph! - but was frightened that he was losing his voice. Would everything be all right on the night?

Seth Armstrong was in The Pirates too, of course.

 As a pirate.

Of course!

Mike Conrad was in love with Sandie Merrick. But the feeling wasn't mutual. Mike confided in Walter, telling him he was sure he knew how he felt. Walter silently assured him that he did.

Up in the attic bedroom at Emmerdale Farm, Jack reflected on the tangled state of his love life. He loved Karen. He loved Pat. To Thine Own Self Be True... Pat had been upset when he'd arrived home in the early hours of the morning, having slept with Karen. He'd had to get back because of the milking. On another occasion, when he'd moved to comfort her, she had been furious - he stank of Karen's perfume!

Jack was hurting Pat.

Jack was hurting Karen.

Jack was hurting Annie, and Matt, and everybody who knew at Emmerdale. Sandie Merrick was having to work with Karen at Hotten Market, knowing that she was sleeping with her mother's husband. Jackie didn't know. Jack couldn't bear to contemplate what the knowledge would do to the fragile relationship he had built with his son.

Pat came in to ask if Jack had bought the bracelet they'd decided on for Sandie's Christmas present? He had. They talked. Pat cried, said she missed him so much, couldn't imagine life without him. Did he want her to leave Emmerdale Farm? Jack was shocked - of course not! It was her home. Pat replied that in some ways she'd never felt she really belonged there. It was HIS home. Jack held her close... they kissed... and... the boxroom had no occupant that night.

Anarchistic goof Archie Brooks didn't really want to be a policeman in The Pirates. He insisted on wearing his CND badge on his uniform.

Joe arrived back in Beckindale and took a stroll around the farm, remembering Grandad Pearson.

It was not going to be an easy festive period.

But, of course, he had no idea of just how difficult it was going to be...

1983-1984 - The Fall And Rise Of Alan Turner

Trouble brewing - Alan (Richard Thorp) and secretary Sue Lockwood (Debbie Bowers).

Alan Turner had breezed into Beckindale in March 1982 and had not made himself popular. The first thing he did was cancel the NY cattle hormone injection programme, the beloved brainchild of Joe Sugden (Frazer Hines).

Alan was a snob, who upset Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill) by taking him to play golf and not defending him when he was criticised by his Hotten Golf Club crony, The Major (Michael Sheard).

Joe found himself in various difficulties, some of them down to his own lack of experience, but Alan was unsupportive, silver tongued and basically lazy.

1983 saw Mr Turner coming badly unstuck. NY Estates imposed swinging cutbacks - up to 50% of the workforce may go, he was told, and the office would be computerised. A network of computers would be installed at the NY holdings, linked to Head Office, the secretary's post would be cut to three days a week, and the farm manager's post would be cut out completely. Alan would have to do the work previously undertaken by Joe, and Joe left to work for NY in France.

Alan blackmailed union shop steward John Tuplin (Malcolm Raeburn) into helping smooth the way with the redundancies. Alan had ensured that John was on the list of those who were to join the dole queue. If John made no waves with the union and the redundancies went through without any disruption to the running of the NY Beckindale holding, John would keep his job, Alan promised.

John hated the proposition. But jobs were hard to come by and he was a family man.

Alan managed to get the secretary's post reinstated to full-time, and a suitable applicant, fully trained in computers (not a widespread commodity in those days) reported for interview. She was middle aged and frumpy. Alan didn't want her. He didn't particularly want somebody who could do the work - that was not his priority. He wanted an attractive young woman.

Sue Lockwood was ideal. She was young, naive and lived at home with her parents. She was not trained in computing, had never used one before, but who cared?

Alan made her faintly uneasy. He smiled at her... He stared at her. But surely he was just being friendly?

Alan made his move after buying Sue a drink at The Woolpack. In his Land Rover outside, he tried to kiss her, and asked her to go back to Home Farm with him.

Sue fled into the pub, Alan pursued her, and there was a terrible scene. An hysterical Sue insisted on calling a taxi home, and the regulars looked on, bemused, as Alan tried to excuse himself to them. Sue was obviously confused... she obviously had problems...

Nobody was convinced.

Alan was now alone at the Home Farm office. He had undertaken a two day course at NY in computing, but it was still all alien to him.

"OPERATOR ERROR - PLEASE REPEAT LAST INSTRUCTION" was the oft-repeated text flashed up on the screen whenever Alan attempted to use the computer.

Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) thought the computer looked like a telly, and asked if there was anything good on? Alan was not amused.

Alan hit rock bottom. The work was piling up. The computer printer was spewing out loads of printed paper - all gobbledygook to Alan. He sought solace in betting on the gee-gees and was so lonely that he even spent a boozy afternoon at Home Farm with Seth and Walter (Al Dixon).

Alan bought an answer phone for the office and hid behind it, not taking calls from his wife, NY head office, or his bookie with whom he was running up a considerable debt.

Falling into despair, Alan hit the bottle big time. One night, in early 1984, he got so drunk he fell from his bar stool in The Woolpack. Despite his protestations that the bar stools were "precarious", it was obvious that he had had far too much drink, and he was escorted from the premises by Jack Sugden (Clive Hornby) and Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock). Jack drove Alan back to Home Farm.

Jill Turner (Patricia Maynard).

Alan made himself unpopular with Matt Skilbeck (Frederick Pyne) and, once again, the workforce at NY Estates. Since late 1983, Matt had been taking care of NY's sheep on a part-time basis. This saved Alan from employing a full-time shepherd and looked good with Head Office. But John Tuplin felt a full-time shepherd was needed and Jock MacDonald (Drew Dawson), one of the men recently made redundant, was the ideal man for the post.

Matt was fed up with Alan, having discovered that he was a far from ideal boss, and after Jock and John spoke with him, decided to resign from his part-time post. Alan was furious, but was forced to employ Jock as shepherd.

Christopher Meadows (Conrad Phillips).

The new answer phone in the office was relaying increasingly clipped messages from Alan's NY boss, Christopher Meadows, who was wondering what on earth was going on as various reports due from the Beckindale holding failed to arrive at head office. Finally, he announced that he would be visiting Home Farm.

Alan could not hide the state of chaos at the office, although he bluffed that everything would be all right - this was just a glitch. Christopher gave him three months to sort things out.

Alan's estranged wife, Jill, herself a businesswoman, turned up, asking why Alan was not meeting his share of the bills? She had an itemised list - beginning with school fees. Alan paid no interest in the education of their children, Terence and Mary, she said, so the least he could do was pay for it!

Alan was initially defensive, self pitying and lying. When Jock MacDonald fell from some stacked hay and broke his wrist, and John Tuplin reminded Alan that the hay had needed re-stacking for some time and was one of a number of safety issues Alan had let fall by the wayside, Alan ranted to Jill that he had fought for the workforce over the redundancies and this was how they repaid him - by blaming him for something that wasn't his fault!

For a time, it seemed that legal action might be brought against NY Estates because of the accident, but Alan pulled strings and told Jock that it was basically his own clumsiness that had caused him to fall. Basically, his job would be safe if he didn't rock the boat!

Jill still had a fondness for Alan and helped him, her greatest contribution being to employ a new "temp" secretary for him.

It was with some regret over the sad state of his twenty year marriage, and a desire for reconciliation, that Alan waved her off when she left Home Farm.

Soon afterwards, the "temp" secretary arrived - Caroline Bates (Diana Davies) - "Mrs Bates" to Alan Turner (and indeed in the show's closing credits).

There were bumpy times ahead. And Alan was certainly not a reformed character. He was a true Emmerdale Farm groundbreaker - the first permanent character who actually consciously acted badly, manipulating and bullying for his own advancement and self preservation.

But with Mrs Bates, fully trained in computing, in post and soon no longer a "temp", Alan's amusing "overgrown schoolboy" side began to show more and more, together with some warmth and kindness.

And Mrs Bates thought he was funny. On the quiet.

One of Alan's first acts to impress her was to buy a proper coffee percolator for the office and banish the dreaded instant.

Demonstrating it to her, he managed to tear open the packet of coffee and spill it everywhere.

Mrs Bates averted her gaze and smiled quietly to herself.

It was the beginning of a great Emmerdale partnership.

More heavy drama lay just over the horizon, but with Seth Armstrong buzzing in and out of the office, and Alan thundering "GET OUT SETH!", and Mrs Bates hiding her amusement over his basic wally nature, the atmosphere at Home Farm lightened considerably and it soon became one of the great Emmerdale comic scenarios.

I must end this post by saying that 1984 saw the start of one of my favourite Emmerdale eras of all time - the era of Alan Turner and Mrs Bates.

Happy days!

1984: The Shooting Of Bundle...

When Caroline Bates (Diana Davies) brought her Golden Labrador bitch, Bundle, into work at NY Estates one day in April 1984, she assured Alan Turner (Richard Thorp) that it was a temporary measure. The Bates family was living in a flat at that time, and Caroline's husband, Malcolm, usually returned home from work in his lunch hour to take Bundle out for a walk. But Malcolm was away for a few days, and Caroline felt that she couldn't leave Bundle cooped up in the flat all day.

And, she said, Bundle was used to farms.

As NY Beckindale manager, Alan should have known better: every farmer knows, no risks should be taken with dogs. But Alan simply accepted Caroline's word, and said that Bundle could have free reign at Home Farm.

Shortly after this, Matt Skilbeck (Frederick Pyne) and Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock) made a grim discovery: two of the Emmerdale ewes had aborted the lambs they were carrying. Something had obviously alarmed them.

Annie Sugden (Sheila Mercier) came across Jackie burying the aborted lambs, and reflected grimly on the bad old days at Emmerdale: a dog or fox worrying the sheep was the one thing absolutely sure to bring her husband, Jacob, from The Woolpack, she said. And he would keep grim vigil with his gun.

And so the Emmerdale gun was brought out.

Shortly afterwards, Jackie was out on the farm with his mother, Pat (Helen Weir), when both witnessed Bundle worrying the sheep. Jackie fired the shotgun, and Bundle ran away.

Jackie took the news to Home Farm and found Caroline firmly in denial: Bundle was a loving family pet and used to farms - she simply wouldn't do such a thing. Alan backed her up - how dare the Merrick boy cast such a slur on his secretary's dog?

Jackie left them with a grim warning - if it happened again, he might end up shooting Bundle.

Meanwhile, Dolly Skilbeck (Jean Rogers) had organised a visit to Emmerdale Farm for the Beckindale playgroup children to see the sheep and new lambs.

And it was on that day that Bundle chose to pay another visit, let off her lead by Alan whilst out for a walk with Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards).

Seth advised Alan not to let Bundle run free, but Alan fully expected her to stay close by, and was horrified when she ran off across the fields towards Emmerdale Farm.

And in no time at all, she was terrorising the sheep, in full view of the equally terrified Beckindale playgroup children.

And, in full view of the children, Jackie shot her dead.

It wasn't the most sensitive thing to do, but, highly distressed himself, Jackie took Bundle's body to Caroline at Home Farm in the Emmerdale Land Rover.

And Caroline was absolutely distraught.

As was Jackie. He had begun to develop a feeling for farming and the animals at Emmerdale, including Nell, Matt's faithful sheepdog, and was horrified by what he'd done.

Jack (Clive Hornby) told Jackie that he'd been lucky - as Matt or Joe (Frazer Hines) had usually dealt with sheep worrying dogs. And they had always felt awful afterwards.

But Jackie was not in the wrong. It was not a crime to shoot a dog under such circumstances.

Caroline could not believe it - she was convinced that Bundle had meant no harm to the sheep - and to her mind her dog had been murdered in cold blood.

She visited Sergeant MacArthur (Martin Dale) at the Beckindale police station, who informed her that no law had been broken. The police would be bringing no charges against Jackie.

So, Caroline and Malcolm Bates decided to bring a civil action.

Why had Bundle been let off her lead, she wondered? Alan lied to protect himself - claiming that something had gone awry with the clasp on Bundle's lead, and he'd been adjusting it when, distracted by Seth Armstrong's chattering, he'd momentarily let go of the dog's collar and away she'd gone across the fields.

It was all very sad for Alan. As he confided in Seth Armstrong, he had meant no harm in letting Bundle off for a run.

But, through that simple action, his inexperience as a farmer was made absolutely plain.

Seth was in a difficult position - he had his job to think of, and wasn't about to drop Alan in it, but when Caroline asked him for the truth, promising not to reveal her source, Seth told her.

Caroline was furious and lost no time in telling Alan so.

Alan fully expected her to resign, and dreaded the prospect.

Meanwhile, Matt Skilbeck had visited Home Farm on an entirely different matter, and struck by Caroline's cold front, had spoken to her about Bundle: Jackie was very distressed about the dog's death, he said, they had sheepdogs at the farm and cared for them a great deal. The fault was not Bundle's - dogs had an instinct to hunt. The fault rested with whoever had let Bundle off the lead, and the same went for other dogs like her that met an untimely end for sheep worrying.

Caroline remained convinced that Bundle would never have hurt the sheep, but was simply enjoying the chase. Matt gently pointed out to her that whatever Bundles' intentions, six aborted lambs was the result.

Having already met several of the Emmerdale Farm folk, Caroline called there and told Dolly that she and Malcolm would not be bringing any action against Jackie. She still didn't condone what he had done, but Matt had made her think.

Alan bought Caroline another Golden Labrador bitch - this time a puppy - and took it into The Woolpack so that he could have a courage-giving drink before making the presentation to Caroline.

In conversation with Seth and Amos (Ronald Magill) Alan referred to Mrs Bates' present as a she. Giving her to Seth to hold so that he could enjoy his drink - thus stopping Seth, with an armful of Golden Labrador, from enjoying his, Alan beamed upon the world.

When Amos frostily informed him that dogs were not allowed on "these licenced premises", Alan, the expert, was completely unfazed. He told Amos that the dog was all right with him - and besides he was on a lead, and dogs were perfectly safe on a lead. The sudden change of the animal's gender made it plain that as far as Alan was concerned the only dog on the premises was not Mrs Bates' bitch Labrador, but Seth Armstrong!

Seth, arms still full of canine loveliness, still unable to sup, could only scowl.

Andy's note: This was very much a cautionary tale with a strong message for real-life dog owners. In 1984, the farming content of Emmerdale Farm was increased and we were treated to the sight of a cow and several sheep giving birth - and also mating scenes, plus the sorry sight of aborted lambs in the fields. The "Bundle" story-line was treated in the same visual way - viewers actually saw the shooting.

Some viewers wrote to Yorkshire Television, seeking reassurance that "Bundle" was only acting her death scene.

She was.

Ernie Shuttleworth And The Malt Shovel In The 1980s...

The July 1986 Woolpack Versus Malt Shovel Dominoes Match ends in acrimony - Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill), Jock MacDonald (Drew Dawson) and Ernie Shuttleworth (Peter Schofield) were there.

Simon writes to ask:

The Malt Shovel is a never-seen Emmerdale mystery location. Did it appear in the 1980s?

Yes, Simon, it did.

The Shovel had long been a thorn in Amos Brearly's side: he denounced landlord Ernie Shuttleworth's beer as "filth" and frowned upon the "low standards" of Beckindale's other hostelry.

Ernie Shuttleworth had first appeared in the show's early years and was briefly portrayed by actor John Comer (Sid of Last Of The Summer Wine).

After this, Amos' disapproval of the Shovel in no way decreased, however Ernie was not seen on-screen, but occasionally mentioned, for years.

In the summer of 1980, Malt Shovel regular Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) became a Woolpack regular, as Seth became a full-time Emmerdale Farm character.

Amos was at his most blustering when being wound up, and in the 1980s viewers adored seeing the increasingly larger-than-life Mr B being wound up.

And Seth quickly became a master at it.

In 1984, Ernie Shuttleworth was re-introduced, now played by actor Peter Schofield. Mr Schofield's portrayal of Ernie did not exactly echo John Comer's - the character became rather more sly, and more of an adversary for Amos than ever before.

The Shovel appeared on-screen in 1982, when Seth, fed up with being under the gaze of his NY boss and the vicar - both regulars at The Woolpack, briefly sought refuge there (Ernie was not seen).

We heard in the early '80s that Ernie had had a Space Invaders machine installed. Of course, The Woolpack would never have stooped so low!

In January 1984, Peter Schofield's splendid Mr Shuttleworth made his debut, squaring up to Amos, and battle commenced.

We viewers were treated to on-screen Shovel scenes as we witnessed its Country And Western Night (complete with yodelling cowboy singer), and Mr Wilks (Arthur Pentelow) developed a fondness for Shovel barmaid Doreen (Sandra Gough).

There was trouble between Amos and Ernie at the annual Licensed Victuallers' Association Ball.

And more trouble over Ernie's nightly "Happy Hour", which drew custom from The Woolpack.

When Ernie was caught serving drinks after hours, Amos wrote a disparaging article on the subject for the Hotten Courier, and Ernie, in retaliation, interfered with the clock in The Woolpack bar, thus causing Amos to be caught serving customers after time.

From then on, Ernie's occasional appearances became a treat greatly relished by viewers.

At the end of the day, Ernie wanted custom and was not afraid of modern gimicks to secure it. His weekly disco nights midway through the decade with the "latest hot sounds of the '80s" were the talk of Beckindale and resulted in Ernie putting his back out. Had he been attempting to breakdance, I wondered?!!

Amos wanted custom too, and he was pushed into installing a jukebox at The Woolpack for a while. But Amos was caught up with delusions of grandeur and his approach was very different to Ernie's.

He usually frowned down on modern gimmicks from a very great height.

To sum up, the 1980s war of the Beckindale pub landlords was simply hilarious.

Ronald Magill's performance as Amos was never short of inspired.

I adored Amos - and never more so than in the 1980s when this beautifully matured character scaled new heights of blathering bombast and oddness.

And Peter Schofield, in bringing Ernie Shuttleworth out of the shadows and into the limelight as an instantly real character whose main aim was to secure as much custom as possible for his pub, and get right on Amos' wick in the process, was a delight!
September 1984...

Having been caught by the police serving after hours, and crowed over by Amos Brearly in the Hotten Courier, Ernie Shuttleworth visits The Woolpack to tell Amos exactly what he thinks of him. Mr Wilks goes to find Amos, Walter (Al Dixon) visits the Gents and Ernie, suddenly alone in the bar, has an idea. He alters The Woolpack clock, putting it back twenty minutes, tells Walter (on his return from the Gents) that he can't wait any longer - he's a pub of his own to run - and leaves. Mr Wilks returns from a fruitless search for Amos to find Walter alone in the bar. Where on earth had Amos gone?

The explanation was simple: Amos, having seen the indignant Ernie approaching The Woolpack, and uncertain of how to defend his somewhat spiteful stance in The Courier, had sought refuge in the cellar.

Archie Brooks (Tony Pitts) - In The Beginning...

Archie Brooks, played by Tony Pitts, in 1984. Mike Conrad (Martin Barrass) had dragged him into decorating the back room at The Woolpack after Amos (Ronald Magill) had accidentally caused his gas cooker to explode, spraying hot casserole all over the walls.

Archie Brooks, of Hotten, was a genuine one-off - right from the time of his very first appearance in Emmerdale Farm in November 1983.

New Emmerdale Farm Producer Richard Handford took over from Anne W Gibbons in June 1983, and immediately decided to give Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock) more of a social life. Martin Barrass arrived as Jackie's pal, Mike Conrad. Mike looked on as Jackie lurched through his short-lived relationship with Angie Richards (Beverley Callard).

And then, with the Angie affair consigned to history, Mike came rattling up to Emmerdale Farm one day in his tacky old van (complete with mattress in the back for "entertaining" the local scrubbers, er, sorry - I mean "ladies"!).

Mike had brought with him a pal of his called Archie. Archie was a little on the odd side by local standards, with his Tom-from-the-Thompson-Twins style hairdo and ghetto blaster. But, this being Beckindale, Archie wasn't playing Mr Pharmacist or Party Fears 2 on his ghetto blaster - bless your heart no - he was playing Status Quo's latest dazzling hit, Old Rag Blues. He did get a little trendier by slotting in some Big Country later though.

Archie had great enthusiasm for popular music - spanning everything from Little Richard to Alexei Sayle's Ullo John! Gotta New Motor? He also played the electric guitar.

Archie distinguised himself on his first visit to Emmerdale Farm by being rather monosyllabic and "out of it", and by rocking back and forth on one of the kitchen chairs, finally overbalancing, and causing the chair to break.

He was soon back in Beckindale to play the guitar with local New Wave band The Giro Technics (the name was a clever play on unemployment giro cheques) at the Beckindale Christmas Show, and he joined Jackie and Mike in undertaking some deliveries of quarry stones for local baddie Harry Mowlam (Godfrey James).

When Harry wouldn't give the lads their agreed rate of pay, and the lads were trying to think of a possession of Harry's they could seize and hold to ransom to force him to pay up, Archie thought the answer was obvious: some quarry stones.

As Harry Mowlam owned a large quarry at Connelton, and was in no way short of stones, Mike and Jackie, needless to say, were not impressed by Archie's suggestion.

In early 1984, Archie and Mike undertook the job of decorating the back room at The Woolpack. Archie proved himself a pretty good decorator, but the job took longer than was originally envisaged because of Mike's tendency to skive and Archie's tendency to break off and write poems and love letters on scraps of wallpaper.

Archie was in love.

And her name was Cathy.

However, writing love letters didn't come easily to the slow-thinking lad.

But, with Mike's advice, surely he couldn't go wrong?

Mike: "Why don't you put: 'Dear Cathy, you're the best looking bird I've ever seen, how about a bit of the other? Your secret admirer, Archie.' "

Archie saw nothing wrong with the sentiments expressed, but spotted a basic flaw:

"Hang on. How can I be a secret admirer if I sign my name?"

As the 1980s continued, Archie would appear in the Emmerdale Farm series more and more, become a bit of a thinker, and develop strong political and ecological views.

But that was very hard to imagine in his early days!

1984: Harry Mowlam And Walter...

Harry Mowlam (Godfrey James), owner of the quarry at Connelton, had been troubling the good people of Emmerdale Farm since late 1983.

And he mistreated his pet dog, causing Matt Skilbeck (Frederick Pyne) to take the animal and give it refuge at the farm.

Harry didn't like that. He didn't like that at all.

He threatened to take Matt to court.

Harry was twisted and rotten to the core.

He refused to pay Mike (Martin Barrass), Archie (Tony Pitts) and Jackie (Ian Sharrock) their full dues when they did some work for him, and Henry Wilks (Arthur Pentelow) got the surprise of his life, in early 1984, when he found Harry sitting on the Woolpack bar stool usually occupied by Walter (Al Dixon).

When Walter arrived and tried to reclaim it (silently, of course), Harry simply ignored him, forcing the poor old gent to retreat further into the corner and drink his pint standing up!

This underlined to us viewers what a horror Harry truly was - how dare he take Walter's seat at The Woolpack?! The swine!!!

Jackie arrived and could not resist making a few loud and antagonistic remarks about Mr Mowlam. Harry frowned.

When Jackie left the pub, Harry followed him - nobody got the better of him if he could help it! He was out for revenge.

As Jackie made to leave The Woolpack car park on his motorbike, Harry pulled out in front of him in his Land Rover, causing Jackie to fall from the bike.

Fortunately, no harm was done to either Jackie or the bike.

And inside The Woolpack, Walter was able to return to his usual perch.

Of course, he said nothing. But judging by the expression on his face, he was not impressed by Mr Mowlam.

And neither were we, the viewers.

Godfrey James was a truly memorable baddie as horrific Harry.

The explosive quarry owner seemed rivetingly real.

Mind you, from 1983 to 1984 Harry was an absolute pussycat compared to what he got up to in 1985.

And 1986 brought a violent end to his life.

Read our Bugle posts about the Brute of Beckindale - and the excellent Godfrey James who played him - here.

1984: Emmerdale Farm - INCREASING The Farming Content!

Lindley Farm, the exterior location for Emmerdale Farm from 1972-1993, photographed here (by yours truly!) circa 1988.

Surprising trends can be discovered when viewing large tracts of Emmerdale Farm episodes...

For instance, wading into 1984, I have been surprised to find a dramatic increase in the show's farming content!

Suddenly, Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock) is seen delivering a calf, aided by the Rev Donald Hinton (Hugh Manning) and Henry Wilks (Arthur Pentelow)...

Aborted lambs are being discovered in the fields as a sheep-worrying dog begins visiting the farm - we witness the grim discovery and Jackie burying some of them...

Matt Skilbeck (Frederick Pyne) is teaching Jackie how to be a shepherd in some very lengthy scenes...

And whilst Jack Sugden (Clive Hornby) and Karen Moore (Annie Hulley) dally in their illicit hotel room love nest, Matt and Jackie are discovering that the ram they have brought in for "tupping" might not be up to the job and could be heading (as Matt says) for the "meat pie factory"...

And all this in a few month's worth of episodes - also liberally sprinkled with the usual "out in the fields" and cow shed milking scenes!

1984: Jack Sugden - Being Dad...

Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock) and Jack Sugden (Clive Hornby) - discovered they were father and son in the early 1980s...

It was never going to be easy. When Pat Merrick (Helen Weir) told Jack Sugden that her son, Jackie, was also Jack's son in late 1981, she knew it wasn't going to be easy.

When Jack had left Beckindale in 1964, Pat had discovered she was pregnant. And so she'd married Tom Merrick. She had feelings for Tom, but was it love?

But the idea of being an unwed Mum in Beckindale at that time was unthinkable, and Pat had acted quickly, out of fear for her future and that of her unborn child.

And Tom Merrick believed that Jackie was his son.

And Jackie believed that Tom was his father.

Tom may have had faint suspicions at times, in fact probably more than that (at one point in the dim and distant past Tom had used the idea that Jackie was Jack's son to try a little blackmail), but Tom loved the little lad in his way and, at the end of the day, believed they were kith and kin.

Another child, Sandie, arrived a year or two later, and the Merricks settled down to a rather miserable existence.

Tom was shiftless and sly. And he wasn't above giving the kids and Pat a "good hiding" at times.

In 1980, Pat took her courage in both hands and left Tom.

In 1981, he gave her another "good hiding".

Life in a caravan for Pat and Jackie after their return to Beckindale in 1980.

1980 had also seen Jack Sugden return to his home village and the old chemistry between himself and Pat was re-ignited.

And in 1981 there was talk of marriage.

But there was a curious tension in the relationship, certain things were being left unsaid, and both Jack and Pat knew it.

Then, as preparations for Christmas began, Pat came straight out and told Jack that he was Jackie's father.

And then Jack blurted out the shock news to Jackie, and Jackie went to see Tom in Hotten to get reassurance that what Jack said wasn't true, and realisation hit Tom.

At first, he rejected Jackie.

Jackie was not the most mature of teens, and took this badly, planning to run away, but his position as gamekeeper's assistant at NY Estates enabled Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) to convince him to stay - at least to work out his notice.

And then Jackie decided to stay on in Beckindale permanently.

Gamekeeper Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) became fond of Jackie and concerned for his welfare.

Annie Sugden (Sheila Mercier) actually enlisted Tom's help. She desperately wanted her grandson "in the family". Tom's mother had been a friend of Annie's, and Tom liked and respected her.

He told Jackie that not all the Sugdens were bad.

And Sandie (Jane Hutcheson) convinced Jackie to make the run-up to the wedding of Pat and Jack a happy time for their mother.

Edward Peel stepped into the role of Tom Merrick in late 1980, and took the character to new heights of sneering intensity.

In October 1982, Pat and Jack married, and Pat, Sandie and Jackie moved into Emmerdale Farm.

But Jackie, after the briefest of stays and a row with Jack, decided to hole up in the NY Estates caravan the family had lived in since 1980.

And when he was sacked from his job as gamekeeper's assistant, he flew into a drunken tantrum and torched the caravan.

Sandie and Jackie look on aghast as the caravan burns...

The vicar of St Mary's Church, Beckindale, the Rev Donald Hinton, stepped in - offering Jackie accommodation, and to speak up for him in court.

Jackie got a community service order.

He moved back into Emmerdale Farm in 1983, when it was discovered that Sandie was pregnant.

Pat was horrified. History was repeating itself. Sandie was only eighteen. As she told Sandie, despite the fact that people were not supposed to be bothered by pregnancy out of wedlock in the early 1980s, they were.

And single mothers got the "worst end of the world".

Sandie decided to have the baby adopted, and moved up to Scotland to be with Tom for the duration of her pregnancy.

Which left Jackie living at Emmerdale with his real father.

Jack and Jackie bonded a little during 1983.

But they didn't reach a true father-and-son relationship.

And perhaps that was only to be expected.

Jack did not want to do anything to upset his fragile relationship with Jackie, and, as Pat said he was "as soft as butter" with him.

When Jackie bought a motorbike, Pat was worried that he was using it to go out drinking.

Jackie and Jack laughed at her tendency to fret - more like two young lads than father and son.

Jackie was finding growing up difficult: there he was, in his late teens, but still very immature. He could be extremely thoughtless and selfish and his occasional tendency to throw tantrums if people did not see things his way was rather wearing.

But, in 1984, Jack was proud when Jackie managed to deliver his first calf.

Jack, Pat, and Matt and Dolly Skilbeck (Frederick Pyne and Jean Rogers) had gone out to dinner at The Feathers Hotel in Connelton. Back at the farm, a cow had unexpectedly gone into labour, and Jackie had gone smoothly into action, aided by Henry Wilks (Arthur Pentelow) and the Rev Donald Hinton.

Jack was proud of his cows. Since his return in 1980, he'd been building up the Emmerdale herd's Friesian pedigree. He reckoned he should be proud. When he thought back to his father's cattle after the War... well, he reckoned he had cause to be proud.

The Reverend Donald Hinton - a good friend to Jackie.

Jackie was showing more interest in sheep than cows, and Matt was Emmerdale's shepherd. Spending long periods out with the flock and Matt and Nell the sheepdog, Jackie began to confide in Matt about things he felt unable to confide in Jack.

Jack became aware of this, and was hurt. But he said nothing, fearing that he might Jackie drive further away from him if he did.

When the NY Estates bull got out, and did what came naturally with some of Jack's prize Friesians, Jack was furious and blamed Alan Turner (Richard Thorp). Jackie reckoned that he was probably responsible for the bull getting out. He confided in Matt, who advised him to keep quiet - as he wasn't absolutely positive that he was the culprit, surely it wasn't worth the trouble of owning up?

Jackie was nearly certain the incident had been his fault, but didn't trust or feel close enough to Jack to tell him.

Sandie, her baby born and adopted, returned from Scotland for a visit to the farm. Tom (now played by Jack Carr), accompanied her.

Her ex-husband's return threw Pat into a tizzy - what was he up to? Had he returned to England with Sandie simply to ensure that Sandie would go back to to Aberdeen with him? Pat desperately wanted her daughter to live at the farm again.

Jack was hurt that Jackie still referred to Tom as "Dad", but not him.

In fact, Jack bore the brunt of Pat's fears about Tom without being able to express his own concerns a great deal at all.

And he went out of his way to be fair to Tom, not wanting to upset Jackie who still clearly looked up to the man.

Life was often a worry for poor Pat...

Tom still regarded Jackie as his son in many ways, and resented the influence of Jack Sugden in the lad's life.

And then came an opportunity for Tom to "reclaim" Jackie.

Derek Warner, an old pal of Tom's, offered him a part in a terrific money-making venture - poaching fish from the river at NY Estates.

And Tom invited Jackie along for some "fishing".

When Jackie discovered what was going on, he wanted no part in it. Tom, Derek and an associate were using explosives to kill the fish, and then simply scooping them out of the river with nets.

After one session, Jackie had had enough. But Tom sneered at him - would he rather be up at Emmerdale, "philosophising" with Jack Sugden, he asked?

Tom gave some of the trout to Annie Sugden and was invited to partake of the feast at the farm. He thoroughly enjoyed being there, with the "holier than thou" Sugdens, tucking into the stolen trout, when Sergeant MacArthur (Martin Dale) called to inform them of the poaching activities in the district.

The two faces of Tom Merrick in the 1980s, Edward Peel and Jack Carr. Less intense but just as sly, Jack Carr's interpretation of the character ensured that Tom Merrick's visits to Beckindale continued to be a source of trouble to the locals.

Jackie accompanied his "father" on another poaching trip, but left him to it early on.

Tom was furious and almost struck the lad.

Jackie was letting him down in front of his two associates.

But the game was up. Tom and co were apprehended by the police with a van full of stolen trout that night. Seth Armstrong had seen the van heading for the river, and alerted Alan Turner.

It was a good job that Jackie had left the scene of the crime.

Jackie flew into a childish strop with Seth when he discovered that he had "blown the whistle", and lived in fear that the police would soon be arriving at Emmerdale Farm to pick him up.

He told Sandie about his involvement in the fish poaching, but otherwise the family at the farm knew nothing of it.

Until Pat visited Tom at the police station. And he told her that Jackie had nothing to worry about - he and his associates would be keeping the boy's part in the crime quiet.

"You bastard!" said Pat.

And Tom laughed.

During their marriage he had sometimes felt that Pat looked down on him. He hated her deceit over Jackie, hated the way his family had been revealed as a lie in 1981.

And now Pat was up there at Emmerdale with the high-and-mighty Sugdens.

But he could still get at her.

Tom returned to Scotland, on bail, with Sandie - much to Pat's distress.

And Jack got on with the task of trying to build a closer relationship with his son.

One big happy family? The Emmerdale Farm folk in the summer of 1984.

1984: Amos And The Health Farm...

At the start of 1984, Amos Brearly knew that everybody in Beckindale was laughing at him.

The Christmas Show of 1983 had ended with the lights in the village hall all going out, caused by Amos trying to cut out the din caused by local New Wave band The Girotechnics (clever name - a lot of youngsters were depending on DHSS giros back then!). As Amos had tried to cut down the decibels, the lights had fused.

And the village hall had been plunged into darkness.

The people of Beckindale had thoroughly enjoyed the show, and nobody really minded the unexpected ending - but Amos, as organiser and compere of the show, was convinced everybody was sniggering up their sleeves at him.

He was snappy, irritable, and extra-obsessive, checking that he'd locked the door each closing time several times, snapping at customers, snapping at Mr Wilks, and when the Rev Donald Hinton (Hugh Manning), having heard that Amos was troubled, tried to convince him that the Christmas show had been a big success, enjoyed by all, Amos flared up at him - paranoia rampant.

Of course, Amos' least favourite customer, Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) was laughing at him and took great pleasure in winding him up further.

Amos seemed tired and run down. He continued to bark at Mr Wilks and the customers and things were becoming unbearable.

Mr Wilks was at his wit's end, when Amos suddenly returned from a short (and mysterious) jaunt away from the pub, beaming all over his face. He called Seth Armstrong his "friend" and bought him a drink. He socialised with the customers - he even played darts with Matt and Dolly Skilbeck. He was charm itself when Mr Wilks took time out to pop up to Emmerdale for an hour.

Mr Wilks was uneasy.

And then Mr Wilks discovered the tablets in a drawer in the back room.

Amos' mysterious appointment had been with his GP. And, obviously, Amos was now on tranquillisers!

Mr Wilks was deeply concerned, and wasted no time in showing Amos an alternative which was advertised in that week's Hotten Courier: a local health farm called Lodge House was often used by publicans. It would do Amos the world of good as he was so run down. Amos simply beamed at Mr Wilks - that was nonsense - he hadn't felt better in years!

Finally, Mr Wilks was forced to confront Amos about the tranquillisers. He told Amos he had discovered his little secret. Amos, not without reservations, emptied the tranquillisers out into the bin.

And immediately a dreadful change occurred. Amos began to get agitated. The back room was a tip! Had he locked the front door?

Mr Wilks watched, aghast, as Amos went from bonhomie personified to the ranting beast of Beckindale in the twinkling of an eye!

Mr Wilks was perplexed. "Them pills have worn off quickly!"

"I've not checked the cellar," squawked Amos. "Things round 'ere would go to pot if it weren't for me!" And he barged out, fueled on angst.

Finally, Amos, tired and listless, reconsidered the health farm idea...

... and decided to give it a go.

Mr Wilks was delighted when Amos booked three days at Lodge House, and Amos thoroughly enjoyed winding up Seth Armstrong by refusing to tell him where he was going.

The health farm was impressive, situated in a large old house, set in lovely countryside. Mr Wilks drove Amos there, and left him being shown up to his room, looking forward to some rest and revitalisation.

Amos was pleased at the prospect of a massage, but taken aback by the fact that the person giving the massage was actually a masseuse - a woman! A foreign woman at that!

"Would you please go in to the cubicle and remove your clothes for me?" she requested.

The brazen hussy!

"I beg your pardon, Miss!" cried Amos.

"You have to have no clothes for a massage," explained the lovely masseuse.

"I'm afraid I can't remove my clothes just like that!" protested Amos. "Not in front of a lady as I've not even met!"

"There's no need to be embarrassed, I see men without their clothes all day!" said the masseuse, coolly. "I'm sorry. There is a towel in the cubicle to put round your middle."

Amos was part mollified, but still a little uncertain: "Fair enough. I'll go and change then. Is it, er, a big towel?"

The masseuse looked at him disdainfully: "It should be big enough, I think."

The cheeky little madam!

Still, never mind. Amos enjoyed his massage so much, he fell asleep.

Next on the agenda was dinner: sauteed chicken liver, nut rissole, shredded carrots and celery salad.

"Ere, 'ang on, where's me taties?" yelped Amos as the waiter made to move off.

"Sorry, Sir, no potatoes," said the waiter.

"But what about my carbohydrates?" cried Amos.

"We don't serve it, Sir" said the waiter.

No taties!

Amos was aghast.

And was instantly gripped by tatie lust.

Amos was absolutely horrified at the tiny dinners and lack of potatoes. His stomach rumbled constantly. He craved taties. Then, he began to run out of tobacco. On enquiring, Amos discovered that the health farm did not sell tobacco, did not like smoking on the premises, and that the nearest shop was four miles away.

Amos was comforted by the presence of a sympathetic fellow inmate, who listened to all his grumbles and whimpers.

The listener was most surprising. He took Amos to his room and revealed two briefcases. And when he opened them, Amos' eyes almost popped out of his head.

Inside each case was an Aladdin's cave of tobacco, cigarettes, peanuts, chocolate, crisps... all those wonderful things denied to Amos by Lodge House (perhaps "Colditz" would have been a better name?).

"It were pipe tobacco you were after, weren't it?" asked Amos' new friend. "And perhaps I can interest you in something else?

"You must certainly can!" said Amos.

"Only thing is, it's the old laws of supply and demand," said Amos' pal. "And 'ere the demand's big and the supply is low. We'll 'ave to negotiate a price!"

The sight of the tin of the tobacco the man was holding was driving Amos mad!

"Never mind the price," he snatched the tin. "Give me three packets of crisps, prawn cocktail if you've got 'em - I've got to have some potatoes!"

The man indicated the crisps and tobacco and named his prices: "One-fifty, and a fiver!"

Amos, never exactly lavish with his cash, was absolutely aghast: "EH?!!"

Amos was not really enjoying the Lodge House experience, it has to be said.

But worse was to come.

Sweating it out in a Turkish bath, Amos was a captive audience for a very chatty man, also undergoing the health treatment.

The man wittered away about a wonderful meal he had recently enjoyed.

"Starters - I had paté, right? Followed by fillet of lemon sole, grilled to a golden colour. Main course, I 'ad t-bone steak - biggest you've ever seen in your life, it were!"

This was agony for Amos, starved for want of nourishment as he was.

"Then on me way 'ome I stopped at a country pub and washed it all down with a few pints of ale."

"Very nice," said Amos, through gritted teeth.

"Yes, seemed such a nice little pub," said the man. "Woolpack Inn, Beckindale. You wouldn't expect it to be full of drunks, though."

Amos was startled. The man did not know who he was, but he had visited The Woolpack - what was he saying?

"DRUNKS?!!" cried Amos.

"Aye," said the man, cheerfully. "There were this man there, drunk as a lord, weren't he - and these other two had to carry him out, he could hardly walk!"

"In't Woolpack?!" came a strangled cry from Amos.

"That's not the half of it," said the man. "This other man left the pub and practically ran somebody over in't car park! I wouldn't've minded - but it was only seven o'clock!"

"What the 'eck's he playin' at? I knew he wouldn't be able to manage!" cried Amos, speaking, of course, about Mr Wilks.

"Pardon?" the happy purveyor of Woolpack gossip was puzzled.

"I shall have to leave!" said Amos.

But he was trapped in the Turkish bath.

"How do I get out of this thing? Help - HELP!"

Amos took a taxi back to Beckindale, and arrived to find Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock) brawling with the leader of the Hotten Werewolves biker gang in The Woolpack car park.

No blood had been shed, and Amos broke up the fight immediately.

It transpired that Jackie had sold one of The Werewolves a motor bike which had almost immediately conked out. The Werewolves wanted their money back.

Amos sorted the matter (Jackie was forced to pay up) and then went into the pub in a state of high "dungeon" as he called it.

But his ire was somewhat soothed by a big plateful of pie, peas and mashed taties for dinner.

Mr Wilks upbraided Amos for listening to "strange men in Turkish baths", and told him just what had been going on. Alan Turner had been the man "drunk as a lord", and Jack Sugden and Jackie Merrick had seen him off the premises. Jack had driven him home.

Harry Mowlam (Godfrey James), from the quarry at Connelton, had been in the bar, and Jackie had not been able to resist making some loud comments, designed to annoy him.

When Jackie left on his motorbike, Harry had driven his land rover straight across Jackie's path, causing the lad to fall from the bike.

Mr Wilks, convinced that Harry had done it on purpose, had informed Sergeant MacArthur (Martin Dale).

As for Jackie brawling with a Hotten Werewolf, well, how could Mr Wilks have known what was going on outside the pub?

Amos insisted that a good publican should know what was going on on his premises at all times, Mr Wilks agreed (anything for a quiet life!) and Amos, made sweeter by mashed spud, gradually calmed down.

"I don't feel need for them tranquillisers any more - that's summat achieved. I can throw 'em away now!" said Amos.

"You've already thrown them away!" said Mr Wilks.

Amos was well and truly caught out.

"I've a confession, Mr Wilks!"

And he held up a bottle of the tablets.

Mr Wilks was disgusted. "I should say you have!"

"Well, doctor gave me two bottles, and I kept one back - just in case things started getting on top of me again..."

Mr Wilks snatched the bottle from Amos. "Aye well, at least we can get rid of these now any road!"

He examined the label and stopped short.

"Are these the same as t'others?"

"I suppose so, why not?" said Amos, tucking into his mashed taties again.

"They're not tranquillisers!" said Mr Wilks.

"What do you mean?"

"They're vitamin pills!"

"Eh?" Amos took the bottle back and examined the label. "Well they must be very strong vitamin pills, that's all I can say!"

The happiness-making properties of the pills had been purely in Amos' own mind - a true placebo effect.

The two men looked at each other across the table.

And then began to laugh.

The Woolpack was restored to its old, peculiar normality.

And there were mashed taties to be eaten.