Showing posts with label Woolpack. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Woolpack. Show all posts

Thursday 6 August 2015

"Nay, Nay Mr Wilks" Mystery Mug


September, 1981, and Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill) ensures there's a warm welcome at the Woolpack.

In 1980, Seth Armstrong became a full-time Emmerdale Farm regular. He deserted the Malt Shovel in favour of the Woolpack, where he discovered the endless delights of baiting Amos Brearly. In his new found respectability as NY Estates gamekeeper, Seth had plenty of time to scive off and haunt the bewhiskered landlord. And poor old Mr Wilks was often caught up in the attacks and counter-attacks, trying to bring reason to bear. "Nay, nay, Mr Wilks!" Amos would bluster (in fact, in moments of high dudgeon it was usually thrice "nay").

Poor Mr Wilks!

That man deserved a medal.

We're still catching up on our comments and Sara wrote:

I have a mug featuring a caricature of Henry Wilks, Amos Brearly and Seth Armstrong. It is stamped on the bottom 'Churchill England'. Do you know anything about it?

No, Sara, sorry. I do have one, but it was bought for me as a present a few years back, second hand, and I don't know its origins. Does anybody else?

Sunday 10 July 2011

Beckindale Meets The Real World - 1980s Pop Culture In Emmerdale Farm...

Beckindale was not immune to 1980s pop culture. The show took some of the fads from that fast-moving decade and provided us with some on-screen fun. In 1981, a Space Invaders machine was delivered to The Woolpack. Of course, it was all a mistake. Amos Brearly looked down his nose at such new fangled abominations - far more up Ernie Shuttleworth's street. The Invaders had been invented in Japan in 1978, previewed at a UK trade show in 1979 and then invaded the early 1980s, becoming one of the decade's first major fads.

Mr Wilks and Amos waited for the game machine company to pick up the Space Invaders machine and deliver it to the rightful address. Before this could happen, Mr Wilks was disturbed in the early hours of one morning by high tech noises emanating from the living room. He went downstairs...

To find Amos, he who (apparently) looked down on modern technological fads, absolutely glued to the machine...

... valiantly fighting a losing battle.

This article is from the Cambridge Evening News, 1981, and proves just how topical Emmerdale Farm was being by including Space Invaders in its story lines.

More about Space Invaders here.

In 1982, Sam Pearson became seriously ill with pneumonia. Recovering in hospital, he met a young fellow patient called David, who introduced Sam to the Rubik's Cube. Sam had a go and then dismissed it as too "new fangled" for him.

The Magic Cube had been invented by Hungarian Erno Rubik in 1974 and the first test batches released to Budapest toy shops in late 1977. In 1980, the Cube was re-manufactured, renamed Rubik's Cube and released in the Western World. The first Rubik's Cubes reached England just before Christmas 1980, although the country was not fully stocked until the spring of 1981 as there was a worldwide shortage.

The pictured article from The Sun, May 1982, shows that people were doing the Cube everywhere, and that Emmerdale Farm was once more absolutely on the button when it came to pop culture!

More about the Cube here.

Friday 23 April 2010

Happy St George's Day!

Way back in the 1980s, Amos Brearly complimented Mr Wilks - telling him that he was English and Yorkshire - in Amos' estimation, two very wonderful things to be!

Amos, being the same, regarded himself as being pretty wonderful too, of course!

With the resurgence of interest in St George's Day in recent years, The Beckindale Bugle would like to wish all citizens of England celebrating the national day a very happy day indeed!

We're working, but we'll be having a pint later!

Saturday 10 April 2010

Hotten Courier, Beckindale Edition, 1985

Whilst Annie Sugden tended her Aga, Matt Skilbeck tended his sheep and Walter silently supped at The Woolpack, elsewhere in Beckindale, things were not so serene...

ARMED MEN IN WAGES SNATCH

A security van on its way to deliver wages to NY Estates was held up by armed robbers on a lonely road near Beckindale yesterday.

The masked gunmen, who were also carrying explosives, drove a herd of cows into the path of the security van, forcing it to stop, and then threatened to blow up the vehicle unless the guards handed over the money.

The gunmen escaped into the trees with £10,000 and police believe they had a getaway vehicle parked nearby.

"I don't know what I'm going to tell my employees," said NY Estates Manager Mr Alan Turner. "We don't have enough money on the premises to pay their wages, and many of them have wives and children to support."

The police would like to hear from anyone who has noticed an unusual or suspiciously parked vehicle in the Beckindale area recently.

Oh dear. Could this next story be related?

RECORD PRICE PAID FOR FARMLAND

Thirty acres of land previously owned by Mr Clifford Longthorn were put up for auction this week by Golding & Sons, the auctioneers, and achieved the record price of £1,600 an acre.

The land, which adjoins Emmerdale Farm run by Mr Jack Sugden, and property belonging to NY Estates, was bought by Mr Harry Mowlam, an ex-quarry owner.

"I'm delighted," said Mr Mowlam. "This is my first venture into farming and I'm planning to put sheep on the land.

"It was quite a battle, but the other bidders dropped out in the end. £1,600 an acre seems a fair price to me."

Mr Sugden, who was also bidding for the land, was not available for comment...

Meanwhile, Alan Turner and NY Estates were, once again, not exactly the community's pet loves...

TODDLERS POISONED IN CROP SPRAYING ROW

Twelve Beckindale toddlers, all members of the Beckindale Playgroup, were being treated for poisoning last night after a crop spraying incident.

It is thought that the children, all suffering from sickness, diarrhoea and skin rashes, were exposed to a pesticide used in crop spraying while they were on a nature walk in woods near the village.

"I think it's disgraceful," said playgroup leader Mrs Dolly Skilbeck, whose two-year-old son Sam is now being treated by the doctor. "Anyone irresponsible enough to spray their crops in a high wind when there are children about ought to be locked up."

Mr Alan Turner, manager of NY Estates, on whose land the incident occurred, said he was mystified by the whole thing.

"I know nothing about it," he said from the estate office near Beckindale. "All my employees are highly trained and experienced men. There is no way they'd spray the crops in harmful conditions. The children are probably suffering from food poisoning or some sort of virus."

Wasn't there any good news? Well, yes, young Jackie Merrick, recently out of hospital after being run down by the aforementioned Mr Alan Turner, had come sixth at the local sheepdog trials, and in the year of Live Aid, Beckindale had organised its own musical effort to help the starving...

BAND PLAYS TO FEED THE HUNGRY

The starving thousands in Ethiopia are to benefit from a charity concert held in Beckindale last week.

The Hotten and District Brass Band assembled outside The Woolpack Inn in Beckindale High Street and kept the villagers entertained with a medley of popular tunes.

The weather smiled on the proceedings and Mr Amos Brearly, landlord of the Woolpack, was kept busy all afternoon serving drinks and snacks to the thirsty crowds.

"All the profits will be going to Ethiopia," said Mr Brearly, "and I'm very proud to do my bit."

"It was a grand day," said band member Seth Armstrong, who played the triangle. "I reckon everyone enjoyed it."

Nice.

And, on another positive note (perhaps), the Beckindale Players were planning their next venture:

BECKINDALE PLAYERS SEARCH FOR A TOAD

The Beckindale Players have announced this year's Pantomime Production is to be Toad Of Toad Hall. Rehearsals are due to start in the village hall soon.

Anyone interested in taking part should contact the Rev Donald Hinton on Beckindale 6347. All the villagers are looking forward to what should be another splendid production from the Beckindale Players.

Do you recognise the faces behind the masks?

Wednesday 7 April 2010

Amos Brearly - The Marrying Kind?

Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill) - marriage plans in 1988.

Sheila writes:

Much is made of Amos's proposal of marriage to Annie Sugden - purely for business reasons - in 1972. But was Amos ever romantically involved with a woman during the 1980s?

Yes, Sheila, he was. In October 1988, Amos came close to marrying old acquaintance Gloria Pinfold (Hope Johnstone). A personable woman, she dominated the blustering landlord and caused Henry Wilks great distress when she moved into The Woolpack and threw out the sausages and bacon because of their high cholesterol content. She also criticised Henry's book keeping.

Amos told Henry he was going to marry Gloria.

Henry would have to leave The Woolpack.

It looked like the days of one of Beckindale's best-loved duos were numbered, until Gloria called off the engagement and went off with someone else.

Monday 15 February 2010

1989: Kim Tate Arrives...

Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) was, of course, always a kindly, helpful soul. On meeting a newcomer to the village on horseback one day in December 1989, he noted the "posh" way she spoke, noted she was a stranger to the area, noted she was seeking directions to Home Farm, and decided to have some fun.

The newcomer on horseback was Mrs Kim Tate (Claire King), wife of the new owner of Home Farm, Frank Tate (Norman Bowler). Mrs Tate had set out from Skipdale on a bet with step-daughter, Zoe (Leah Bracknell). The two would both try and reach their new home at Home Farm on horseback, and who ever won the bet would get a quid.

Seth described a very circuitous route to Home Farm, all up hill and down dale...

He was laughing about his trick to Bill Whiteley (Teddy Turner) later in The Woolpack, reckoning that Mrs Tate would probably be halfway to Harrogate by now, when a voice from just behind him stated firmly: "Oh no I'm not!"

And there was Kim, on her first but certainly not last visit to The Woolpack Inn.

Kim was not amused by Seth's mischief. Her horse was exhausted by its hard ride over the surrounding countryside.

Mine host Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill) had discovered he had bats in the attic in 1980. In 1989, he had bats in the belfry. Who else but '80s Amos could have dreamt up the idea of turning Dracula into a pantomime? And who else could write such dialogue as: "Fee fo fi fum, me thinks I'll drink the blood of an Englishman" for Dracula to say?

Taking a break from his epic work, Amos emerged into the bar to discover Henry Wilks (Arthur Pentelow) and Dolly Skilbeck (Jean Rogers) hard at work, and a strange woman standing on the public side of the bar with Seth and Bill. And not only that but a strange woman who had left a horse on his forecourt. Horses were not allowed on The Woolpack forecourt!

"Mr Wilks - fetch the shovel!" yelped Amos, hurrying outside.

Henry ushered Kim outside, where Amos let her have it - both barrels - she must remove the horse forthwith!

"Horses are not allowed on Woolpack property under any circumstances whatsoever!"

Zoe had caught up with Kim, and the two women rode off together.

Henry then informed Amos that these woman were two members of the new family at Home Farm.

Amos was horrified. He wanted to keep in well with the local "gentry" - and besides that he'd already met Frank Tate and he was financing Dracula!

"Ladies! Ladies!" whined Amos, but it was too late - Kim and Zoe continued on their way.

Kim's next port of call was Emmerdale Farm, where she tethered her horse in the farmyard and knocked at the farmhouse door. Giving barely a few seconds for her knock to be answered, she set off to search for the farm owner.

A moment later, Annie Sugden (Sheila Mercier) emerged and was surprised to find no sign of a visitor, but a horse in the yard...

Kim came across Joe Sugden (Frazer Hines) at work in an outbuilding.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find the owner?"

"Who's asking?"

"Is anybody round here capable of answering a simple question?" Kim was getting annoyed.

"Tell you what, let's start again, eh?" said Joe.

Kim explained to Joe that her horse was exhausted, and that she was trying to get to Home Farm. Had Joe got a horse box?

No, replied Joe, but he could get one.

Thank goodness!" said Kim.

As Joe loaded the horse into the horse box, Annie re-emerged from the farmhouse.

"Were you the person who thumped on my door?"

"I knocked, yes, but there was nobody in," said Kim.

"Well there was actually," Annie was slightly cold. She told Kim that she had been working at the top of the house. "And when I got to the kitchen door, all I could see was a horse. Huh!"

And Annie went indoors again, clearly unimpressed.

This was Emmerdale episode 1411, broadcast on 12 December 1989.

And Kim's introduction to Beckindale.

The 1980s were coming to an end. But before the decade died, newcomers were arriving in Beckindale who would ensure life would never be the same again.

Tuesday 10 November 2009

Twenty Years Of Emmerdale...

Emmerdale, November 1989: Chris Tate (Peter Amory) pays his first visit to The Woolpack, and meets Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill). Young Mr Tate needs to use the public phone at the pub...

Chris: "I've got one of those cell phone things in the car, but it's playing up."

Amos (dourly): "So much for modern communications..."

Emmerdale lost "Farm" from its title on 14 November, 1989 - episode 1403 - as the show sought to broaden its appeal further.

Other changes were soon sending shock waves through Beckindale - not least the arrival of the Tate family at Home Farm.

We'll be taking a look at some of the first story-lines of the new Emmerdale era - from November and December 1989 - over the next couple of months.

Who was seeking a divorce?

Who was the love-lorn mobile librarian?

Who dressed as Aphrodite for the New Year's Eve party?

And who got a load of baked beans poured over them?

More soon...

Saturday 3 October 2009

Ernie Shuttleworth And The Malt Shovel In The 1980s...

The July 1986 Woolpack Versus Malt Shovel Dominoes Match ends in acrimony - Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill), Jock MacDonald (Drew Dawson) and Ernie Shuttleworth (Peter Schofield) were there.

Simon writes to ask:

The Malt Shovel is a never-seen Emmerdale mystery location. Did it appear in the 1980s?

Yes, Simon, it did.

The Shovel had long been a thorn in Amos Brearly's side: he denounced landlord Ernie Shuttleworth's beer as "filth" and frowned upon the "low standards" of Beckindale's other hostelry.

Ernie Shuttleworth had first appeared in the show's early years and was briefly portrayed by actor John Comer (Sid of Last Of The Summer Wine).

After this, Amos' disapproval of the Shovel in no way decreased, however Ernie was not seen on-screen, but occasionally mentioned, for years.

In the summer of 1980, Malt Shovel regular Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) became a Woolpack regular, as Seth became a full-time Emmerdale Farm character.

Amos was at his most blustering when being wound up, and in the 1980s viewers adored seeing the increasingly larger-than-life Mr B being wound up.

And Seth quickly became a master at it.

In 1984, Ernie Shuttleworth was re-introduced, now played by actor Peter Schofield. Mr Schofield's portrayal of Ernie did not exactly echo John Comer's - the character became rather more sly, and more of an adversary for Amos than ever before.

The Shovel appeared on-screen in 1982, when Seth, fed up with being under the gaze of his NY boss and the vicar - both regulars at The Woolpack, briefly sought refuge there (Ernie was not seen).

We heard in the early '80s that Ernie had had a Space Invaders machine installed. Of course, The Woolpack would never have stooped so low!

In January 1984, Peter Schofield's splendid Mr Shuttleworth made his debut, squaring up to Amos, and battle commenced.

We viewers were treated to on-screen Shovel scenes as we witnessed its Country And Western Night (complete with yodelling cowboy singer), and Mr Wilks (Arthur Pentelow) developed a fondness for Shovel barmaid Doreen (Sandra Gough).

There was trouble between Amos and Ernie at the annual Licensed Victuallers' Association Ball.

And more trouble over Ernie's nightly "Happy Hour", which drew custom from The Woolpack.

When Ernie was caught serving drinks after hours, Amos wrote a disparaging article on the subject for the Hotten Courier, and Ernie, in retaliation, interfered with the clock in The Woolpack bar, thus causing Amos to be caught serving customers after time.

From then on, Ernie's occasional appearances became a treat greatly relished by viewers.

At the end of the day, Ernie wanted custom and was not afraid of modern gimicks to secure it. His weekly disco nights midway through the decade with the "latest hot sounds of the '80s" were the talk of Beckindale and resulted in Ernie putting his back out. Had he been attempting to breakdance, I wondered?!!

Amos wanted custom too, and he was pushed into installing a jukebox at The Woolpack for a while. But Amos was caught up with delusions of grandeur and his approach was very different to Ernie's.

He usually frowned down on modern gimmicks from a very great height.

To sum up, the 1980s war of the Beckindale pub landlords was simply hilarious.

Ronald Magill's performance as Amos was never short of inspired.

I adored Amos - and never more so than in the 1980s when this beautifully matured character scaled new heights of blathering bombast and oddness.

And Peter Schofield, in bringing Ernie Shuttleworth out of the shadows and into the limelight as an instantly real character whose main aim was to secure as much custom as possible for his pub, and get right on Amos' wick in the process, was a delight!
September 1984...

Having been caught by the police serving after hours, and crowed over by Amos Brearly in the Hotten Courier, Ernie Shuttleworth visits The Woolpack to tell Amos exactly what he thinks of him. Mr Wilks goes to find Amos, Walter (Al Dixon) visits the Gents and Ernie, suddenly alone in the bar, has an idea. He alters The Woolpack clock, putting it back twenty minutes, tells Walter (on his return from the Gents) that he can't wait any longer - he's a pub of his own to run - and leaves. Mr Wilks returns from a fruitless search for Amos to find Walter alone in the bar. Where on earth had Amos gone?

The explanation was simple: Amos, having seen the indignant Ernie approaching The Woolpack, and uncertain of how to defend his somewhat spiteful stance in The Courier, had sought refuge in the cellar.

Friday 11 September 2009

In Praise Of Henry Wilks (Arthur Pentelow)

Arthur Pentelow as Henry Wilks - enduring some nonsense from Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill) in 1984 and having fun at the Beckindale playgroup in 1981.

William writes to tell me that Mr Wilks is getting a poor deal here...

He was my favourite character - the ideal Dad or Grandad. I think you should feature him more.

So do I, William. I thought the world of that character!

Here's a little tribute...

Henry was kind hearted but straight talking, and utterly reliable as a friend.

Of course, he is best remembered for his partnership with Amos Brearly (Ronald Magill) - long suffering Henry was the voice of sanity, and Amos - increasingly... er... idiosyncratic! But Henry was very shrewd. He saw through Amos' daft fads and moods to the man of kindness and integrity that lurked within.

He and Amos were the best of best friends.

They both enjoyed a pipe - and the characters were even declared "Joint Pipe Smokers Of The Year" in 1986.

But Henry's life wasn't totally centred around Amos and The Woolpack - far from it. He was on the board at Emmerdale Farm Ltd, and, from 1981 onwards, was also a parish councillor.

He enjoyed walking, and studying the local flora and fauna.

Henry was the man Tom Merrick (Edward Peel) recommended troubled young Jackie (Ian Sharrock) should turn to if ever he needed help or advice.

Idealistic, eco-friendly Jack Sugden (Clive Hornby) had difficulties with Henry's business side - and we must never forget that Henry was a successful businessman before he retired to Beckindale. This provided another fascinating element to the character. The Henry we knew so well was kind and caring, but he'd once moved in very different circles. In 1986 he was canny indeed whilst buying some land for Emmerdale, and in 1989, he told unscrupulous (and, in fact, downright villainous) businessman Denis Rigg (Richard Franklin) that he knew his type.

Henry had once swum in a much more competitive and shark-infested pond than Beckindale!

At the centre of it all was his partnership at The Woolpack with Amos, but who could forget his feelings for Annie Sugden (Sheila Mercier) and his brief romance with Doreen (Sandra Gough) from The Malt Shovel?

Henry was also a family man, and his concern for his daughter, Marian (Debbie Blythe), added yet another facet to the character.

I recall (and re-watch) with delight the Mr Wilks and Amos story-lines.

But there was much more to Henry's role in the show than just living with and trying to speak sense to Amos.

Henry was a very active pillar of the Beckindale community.

And a much-loved Emmerdale Farm character in his own right.

Thursday 3 September 2009

Amos Brearly Of The Woolpack Inn - The 1980s - Update

Mr Brearly, 1985.

One of the most popular characters on this blog is Mr Amos Brearly, licensee and proprietor of The Woolpack Inn, Beckindale.

Ronald Magill was a brilliant actor, and watching the old episodes of the show it's wonderful to see how the Amos character evolved. We recently watched an episode of Emmerdale Farm from 1978 and Amos was featured. But a far quieter, less blustering and bizarre character than the Amos of the 1980s

As we've stated many times before, 1980 was an absolutely pivotal year for the dour and nosey publican, as Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) became a regular at The Woolpack and Al Dixon began his reign as the weird silent Walter.

Seth wound Amos up to the hilt, and Amos chuntered nine-to-the-dozen to Walter. Any vestiges of commonsense the character had previously possessed seemed to disappear in 1980 and the Golden Era of Amos barminess began.

In our Amos Brearly - The 1980s post, we'll take a brief canter through as many as possible of the Amos story-lines of the 1980s.

1980:

Amos starts the decade with a fitness fad - healthy food and exercise. But he soon tires of the food and does himself a mischief with his chest expander.

Strange noises make Amos wonder if a deceased auntie is paying him a visit - but it turns out to be bats in the loft!

Seth Armstrong switches from The Malt Shovel to The Woolpack in the summer and his constant baiting of Amos leads to years of fun. Amos gets an allotment, but is disappointed when Nellie Ratcliffe (Gabrielle Blunt) wins first prize for her marrow in the annual village show. The annual Butterworth Ball cricket match against Robblesfield breaks its time honoured tradition and becomes a bowls match for one year only, at the request of the wily Eccky Tait. Beckindale loses.

Amos spots a strange light in the sky over Bogle Bog and becomes fascinated by bogles and UFOs. His Auntie Emily (Ann Way) visits The Woolpack for the very first time late in the year. Auntie Emily's visit coincides with one from Henry's cousin, Alice (Hazel Bainbridge). Auntie Emily is horrified by Amos' fascination with the supernatural and leaves in a great hurry!

At Christmas, Amos invites local bell ringers to The Woolpack, and, of course, joins in.

1981:

Aunt Emily sends Amos a hat as a present. But he's mocked so unmercifully by Seth Armstrong, that he has to stop wearing it!

When a Space Invaders machine is delivered to The Woolpack in error, Amos is most disapproving. That kind of new fangled trash was best left to Ernie Shuttleworth and The Malt Shovel. But Amos secretly becomes addicted to the machine whilst he waits for the supplier to collect it, and Mr Wilks discovers him in the early hours of the morning desperately trying to keep the Invaders at bay.

Amos is devastated to be told that his job as Beckindale correspondent on The Hotten Courier is being cut. He responds by starting a rival news sheet - The Beckindale Bugle. In the end, the new Beckindale correspondent on the Courier falls down on the job (drunk!) and Amos is reinstated.

Amos is annoyed to find that The Malt Shovel has had a burglar alarm installed. Keeping up with the Shuttleworths, he orders a device for The Woolpack. But a combination of penny pinching and Amos' DIY attempts at installation, lead to chaos.

Amos attempts to turn his hand to plumbing, and causes a flood, ruining the living room ceiling at The Woolpack.

Monks Brewery organises a "Best Kept Cellar" competition. Two visits are required by the judge, the awesome Lettice Noble (Patsy Smyth). Amos is disqualified when he applies a coat of whitewash to the cellar between the visits (strictly against the rules) and Mrs Noble discovers that the paint is still wet!

1982:

Amos cooks a rabbit pie, using a rabbit supplied by Seth Armstrong, and both he and Mr Wilks end up with food poisoning.

Seth ends up dead drunk when he stands in for Amos and Henry behind the bar whilst the pair attend the wedding of Pat Merrick (Helen Weir) and Jack Sugden (Clive Hornby).

Amos broadens his horizons with a holiday in Spain. Mr Wilks discovers that Amos, through penny pinching, ended up with unacceptable accommodation and flew back to England after only a couple of days, where he spent the remainder of his holiday in Scarborough. Amos begs him not to tell Seth and the other regulars!

Amos is affronted by a Hotten Courier article referring to "Billy Bunter" (fat) pub landlords. The article suggests that the Hotten area (including Beckindale) has many examples. Amos takes up walking to get fit. He ends up twisting his ankle on Blackridge Scarr and having to be rescued by the local fell rescue team.

1983:

Amos is encouraged by Alan Turner (Richard Thorp) to take up golf, and Mr Wilks provides a free lesson. But Amos is put off after encountering the fiercesome Major (Michael Sheard), a crony of Alan's.

Amos wins a three wheeler bike in a competition, and is highly delighted.

Amos tries to attract the Hotten Courier's pub and restaurant reviewer to The Woolpack. His support for Alan Turner in a dispute with the workers at NY Estates causes most of the Woolpack's regulars to desert him. Amos is forced to climb down.

Annabelle, a goat belonging to Pat Sugden (Helen Weir) eats Amos' hat when Amos attends Sam Skilbeck's Christening party at Emmerdale.

Amos reports the sorry state of Seth Armstrong's garden to the Reverend Donald Hinton (Hugh Manning). Our Mr Brearly sees it as a major obstacle to Beckindale winning the Best Kept Village competition. Donald consults Alan Turner, who threatens Seth with dismissal if he doesn't tidy up the garden of his home - which is an NY Estates tied cottage.

Seth complies, and is highly commended by the judges, but he ensures that Amos is shown up well and truly by dumping a load of horse manure outside The Woolpack on the morning of the "judgement day"!

Amos takes up meditation and delivers half-baked sermons on philosophy to Mr Wilks and the regulars.

Amos' Aunt Emily and brother Ezra (Martin Matthews) turn up when Amos' Uncle Arthur dies. Aunt Emily is determined to stop her brother, Sidney, getting his hands on Uncle Arthur's valuables. But things don't go according to plan, and the will reading reveals that Uncle Arthur has left a load of worthless tat to Emily, Sidney, Amos and Ezra.

Ezra at The Woolpack, with Walter and Wilks.

Amos organises the annual Christmas Show at the village hall and books a local New Wave rock band to attract youngsters. Amos is so horrified at the din the band makes, he tries to turn the sound down - and fuses the lights, plunging the hall into darkness. Amos is convinced that he is a laughing stock in the village for fouling up the show and takes some time to get over it all.

1984:

Peter Schofield debuts as Ernie Shuttleworth of The Malt Shovel, a role previously (and very briefly) played by John Comer.

Amos goes to a health farm for three days rest and relaxation... but it turns out disastrously when he discovers they don't serve potatoes for dinner or sell pipe tobacco.

Annie Sugden (Sheila Mercier) accompanies Amos to the local Licensed Victuallers' Association ball. Amos ends up leaving in a strop and a taxi, believing that Annie has left the ball with Ernie Shuttleworth. But she hasn't and is annoyed that Amos has left her there. Amos ends up with some apologising to do.

Amos is puzzled when his regulars start leaving The Woolpack
en-masse every night, each time returning after an hour. He follows them, and discovers they are attending Ernie Shuttleworth's "Happy Hour" at The Malt Shovel. There is bad feeling between Ernie and Amos, heightened when Ernie tampers with the clock at The Woolpack, ensuring that Amos and Mr Wilks are caught by Police Sergeant MacArthur (Martin Dale) serving drinks after hours.

Amos grows neurotic after Nellie Ratcliffe suffers a gas leak. He's convinced that there is a leak at The Woolpack. There isn't, but the cooker blows up anyway when Amos tampers with it to make it "safe". A grand meal he has prepared for friends is splattered all over the room. Amos and Mr Wilks decide that it's time to redecorate.

Amos and Mr Wilks install a microwave oven - these were regarded as "new fangled" gadgets back then. Amos asks Annie Sugden for advice - but she's never even seen a microwave oven before! Chaos ensues as Amos tries to puzzle it out.

Seth Armstrong and Amos are in competition to win the village show with their marrows. Seth's exhibit wins on weight - and as he hoists it triumphantly, a load of nails fall out! Seth is disqualified and Amos wins.

Keep an eye on this article - it will grow!

Sunday 30 August 2009

1984: Amos And The Health Farm...

At the start of 1984, Amos Brearly knew that everybody in Beckindale was laughing at him.

The Christmas Show of 1983 had ended with the lights in the village hall all going out, caused by Amos trying to cut out the din caused by local New Wave band The Girotechnics (clever name - a lot of youngsters were depending on DHSS giros back then!). As Amos had tried to cut down the decibels, the lights had fused.

And the village hall had been plunged into darkness.

The people of Beckindale had thoroughly enjoyed the show, and nobody really minded the unexpected ending - but Amos, as organiser and compere of the show, was convinced everybody was sniggering up their sleeves at him.

He was snappy, irritable, and extra-obsessive, checking that he'd locked the door each closing time several times, snapping at customers, snapping at Mr Wilks, and when the Rev Donald Hinton (Hugh Manning), having heard that Amos was troubled, tried to convince him that the Christmas show had been a big success, enjoyed by all, Amos flared up at him - paranoia rampant.

Of course, Amos' least favourite customer, Seth Armstrong (Stan Richards) was laughing at him and took great pleasure in winding him up further.

Amos seemed tired and run down. He continued to bark at Mr Wilks and the customers and things were becoming unbearable.

Mr Wilks was at his wit's end, when Amos suddenly returned from a short (and mysterious) jaunt away from the pub, beaming all over his face. He called Seth Armstrong his "friend" and bought him a drink. He socialised with the customers - he even played darts with Matt and Dolly Skilbeck. He was charm itself when Mr Wilks took time out to pop up to Emmerdale for an hour.

Mr Wilks was uneasy.

And then Mr Wilks discovered the tablets in a drawer in the back room.

Amos' mysterious appointment had been with his GP. And, obviously, Amos was now on tranquillisers!

Mr Wilks was deeply concerned, and wasted no time in showing Amos an alternative which was advertised in that week's Hotten Courier: a local health farm called Lodge House was often used by publicans. It would do Amos the world of good as he was so run down. Amos simply beamed at Mr Wilks - that was nonsense - he hadn't felt better in years!

Finally, Mr Wilks was forced to confront Amos about the tranquillisers. He told Amos he had discovered his little secret. Amos, not without reservations, emptied the tranquillisers out into the bin.

And immediately a dreadful change occurred. Amos began to get agitated. The back room was a tip! Had he locked the front door?

Mr Wilks watched, aghast, as Amos went from bonhomie personified to the ranting beast of Beckindale in the twinkling of an eye!

Mr Wilks was perplexed. "Them pills have worn off quickly!"

"I've not checked the cellar," squawked Amos. "Things round 'ere would go to pot if it weren't for me!" And he barged out, fueled on angst.

Finally, Amos, tired and listless, reconsidered the health farm idea...

... and decided to give it a go.

Mr Wilks was delighted when Amos booked three days at Lodge House, and Amos thoroughly enjoyed winding up Seth Armstrong by refusing to tell him where he was going.

The health farm was impressive, situated in a large old house, set in lovely countryside. Mr Wilks drove Amos there, and left him being shown up to his room, looking forward to some rest and revitalisation.

Amos was pleased at the prospect of a massage, but taken aback by the fact that the person giving the massage was actually a masseuse - a woman! A foreign woman at that!

"Would you please go in to the cubicle and remove your clothes for me?" she requested.

The brazen hussy!

"I beg your pardon, Miss!" cried Amos.

"You have to have no clothes for a massage," explained the lovely masseuse.

"I'm afraid I can't remove my clothes just like that!" protested Amos. "Not in front of a lady as I've not even met!"

"There's no need to be embarrassed, I see men without their clothes all day!" said the masseuse, coolly. "I'm sorry. There is a towel in the cubicle to put round your middle."

Amos was part mollified, but still a little uncertain: "Fair enough. I'll go and change then. Is it, er, a big towel?"

The masseuse looked at him disdainfully: "It should be big enough, I think."

The cheeky little madam!

Still, never mind. Amos enjoyed his massage so much, he fell asleep.

Next on the agenda was dinner: sauteed chicken liver, nut rissole, shredded carrots and celery salad.

"Ere, 'ang on, where's me taties?" yelped Amos as the waiter made to move off.

"Sorry, Sir, no potatoes," said the waiter.

"But what about my carbohydrates?" cried Amos.

"We don't serve it, Sir" said the waiter.

No taties!

Amos was aghast.

And was instantly gripped by tatie lust.

Amos was absolutely horrified at the tiny dinners and lack of potatoes. His stomach rumbled constantly. He craved taties. Then, he began to run out of tobacco. On enquiring, Amos discovered that the health farm did not sell tobacco, did not like smoking on the premises, and that the nearest shop was four miles away.

Amos was comforted by the presence of a sympathetic fellow inmate, who listened to all his grumbles and whimpers.

The listener was most surprising. He took Amos to his room and revealed two briefcases. And when he opened them, Amos' eyes almost popped out of his head.

Inside each case was an Aladdin's cave of tobacco, cigarettes, peanuts, chocolate, crisps... all those wonderful things denied to Amos by Lodge House (perhaps "Colditz" would have been a better name?).

"It were pipe tobacco you were after, weren't it?" asked Amos' new friend. "And perhaps I can interest you in something else?

"You must certainly can!" said Amos.

"Only thing is, it's the old laws of supply and demand," said Amos' pal. "And 'ere the demand's big and the supply is low. We'll 'ave to negotiate a price!"

The sight of the tin of the tobacco the man was holding was driving Amos mad!

"Never mind the price," he snatched the tin. "Give me three packets of crisps, prawn cocktail if you've got 'em - I've got to have some potatoes!"

The man indicated the crisps and tobacco and named his prices: "One-fifty, and a fiver!"

Amos, never exactly lavish with his cash, was absolutely aghast: "EH?!!"

Amos was not really enjoying the Lodge House experience, it has to be said.

But worse was to come.

Sweating it out in a Turkish bath, Amos was a captive audience for a very chatty man, also undergoing the health treatment.

The man wittered away about a wonderful meal he had recently enjoyed.

"Starters - I had paté, right? Followed by fillet of lemon sole, grilled to a golden colour. Main course, I 'ad t-bone steak - biggest you've ever seen in your life, it were!"

This was agony for Amos, starved for want of nourishment as he was.

"Then on me way 'ome I stopped at a country pub and washed it all down with a few pints of ale."

"Very nice," said Amos, through gritted teeth.

"Yes, seemed such a nice little pub," said the man. "Woolpack Inn, Beckindale. You wouldn't expect it to be full of drunks, though."

Amos was startled. The man did not know who he was, but he had visited The Woolpack - what was he saying?

"DRUNKS?!!" cried Amos.

"Aye," said the man, cheerfully. "There were this man there, drunk as a lord, weren't he - and these other two had to carry him out, he could hardly walk!"

"In't Woolpack?!" came a strangled cry from Amos.

"That's not the half of it," said the man. "This other man left the pub and practically ran somebody over in't car park! I wouldn't've minded - but it was only seven o'clock!"

"What the 'eck's he playin' at? I knew he wouldn't be able to manage!" cried Amos, speaking, of course, about Mr Wilks.

"Pardon?" the happy purveyor of Woolpack gossip was puzzled.

"I shall have to leave!" said Amos.

But he was trapped in the Turkish bath.

"How do I get out of this thing? Help - HELP!"

Amos took a taxi back to Beckindale, and arrived to find Jackie Merrick (Ian Sharrock) brawling with the leader of the Hotten Werewolves biker gang in The Woolpack car park.

No blood had been shed, and Amos broke up the fight immediately.

It transpired that Jackie had sold one of The Werewolves a motor bike which had almost immediately conked out. The Werewolves wanted their money back.

Amos sorted the matter (Jackie was forced to pay up) and then went into the pub in a state of high "dungeon" as he called it.

But his ire was somewhat soothed by a big plateful of pie, peas and mashed taties for dinner.

Mr Wilks upbraided Amos for listening to "strange men in Turkish baths", and told him just what had been going on. Alan Turner had been the man "drunk as a lord", and Jack Sugden and Jackie Merrick had seen him off the premises. Jack had driven him home.

Harry Mowlam (Godfrey James), from the quarry at Connelton, had been in the bar, and Jackie had not been able to resist making some loud comments, designed to annoy him.

When Jackie left on his motorbike, Harry had driven his land rover straight across Jackie's path, causing the lad to fall from the bike.

Mr Wilks, convinced that Harry had done it on purpose, had informed Sergeant MacArthur (Martin Dale).

As for Jackie brawling with a Hotten Werewolf, well, how could Mr Wilks have known what was going on outside the pub?

Amos insisted that a good publican should know what was going on on his premises at all times, Mr Wilks agreed (anything for a quiet life!) and Amos, made sweeter by mashed spud, gradually calmed down.

"I don't feel need for them tranquillisers any more - that's summat achieved. I can throw 'em away now!" said Amos.

"You've already thrown them away!" said Mr Wilks.

Amos was well and truly caught out.

"I've a confession, Mr Wilks!"

And he held up a bottle of the tablets.

Mr Wilks was disgusted. "I should say you have!"

"Well, doctor gave me two bottles, and I kept one back - just in case things started getting on top of me again..."

Mr Wilks snatched the bottle from Amos. "Aye well, at least we can get rid of these now any road!"

He examined the label and stopped short.

"Are these the same as t'others?"

"I suppose so, why not?" said Amos, tucking into his mashed taties again.

"They're not tranquillisers!" said Mr Wilks.

"What do you mean?"

"They're vitamin pills!"

"Eh?" Amos took the bottle back and examined the label. "Well they must be very strong vitamin pills, that's all I can say!"

The happiness-making properties of the pills had been purely in Amos' own mind - a true placebo effect.

The two men looked at each other across the table.

And then began to laugh.

The Woolpack was restored to its old, peculiar normality.

And there were mashed taties to be eaten.